The Lisa Life

The Sims Have Invaded Meijer Thrifty Acres!

It is inevitable that I have to stop at Meijer or Kroger almost every night.  I'm like a regular.

I prefer using the U-Scan checkouts recently because the lines tend to be shorter and sometimes they are funny, but that's a whole other post.  I suck at bagging groceries, by the way.

Today, however, I was freaked right the hell  out. 

Meijers has installed brand new!  Super high-tech!  Interactive with graphics!  U-Scan machines.  They scared the absolute shit out of me because they have people on them and THESE PEOPLE ARE THE SIMS!  They are actually doing what the machine is telling you to do!  And they look exactly like the Sims!  Okay, so mine didn't have on Doc Martens and a punk rock outfit, but other than that, it was the Sims!  She was sort of the trying to be cutting edge soccer mom Sim, but she was a Sim, nonetheless.

I am so scared.  I used to play the Sims all the time, like an addict picking through the nap of the unvacuumed carpet for the last rock.   I had to quit playing the Sims because my Sims always hated me. It was no fun anymore, no joy.  They were always depressed, always burning down the house, getting Clowns as special guests they couldn't get rid of, crying because they had to go to work, they wouldn't exercise or learn to cook,  they missed the pizza guy when he came, they'd get in the hot tub at 3 a.m. and then get out and start grilling burgers (all in the space of time it took me to go to the bathroom and take my contacts out while thinking, "Gee, I can not hit pause and let them do their own thing for three minutes and 18 seconds! What could happen?"  I was naive, okay?)

I'm even more frightened because the guy running the U-Scan, the one who helps those of us who are too terrorized to figure out that we have to actually insert the coupons now instead of just giving them to him (I wasn't comprehending that my Meijer Sim was doing that, I was too nonplussed at the Sims being in the Meijer U-Scan check-out), I told him, "Dude", and I can call him that because he sees me in there every day and he's like a skater type dude with black and bleached blonde hair, I told him, "Dude, these people on here look just like the Sims!" 

And Dude, what does he say?  "Yeah, cool, huh?"

My Internet Stalker

A Love Story

We'll call him Tom, since that was his name.  I met him in a chat room on yahoo.  He was quiet for a chat room but private messaged me and we got to talking about ourselves. 

Little did I know, he was basically following me all over the Internet. 

We talked a lot online.  Just innocent chat from my end.  I guess I was naive. 

It meant nothing to me other than chit chat. 

He fell in love with the idea of me.

We talked about work and family and pets and mostly, about work.  I wasn't real happy with my job at the time.

One Saturday, when I was working, which I used to have to do an awful lot, he called me at work.  I was really surprised as I had never told him exactly where I worked, just what business I worked in.

He had tracked me down from an IP address I had posted from at work.

I didn't know that at the time.

He lived near Chicago and had driven here, 6 hours away, for the week-end for the sole purpose of meeting me.

Okay, so the hair on the back of my neck stood up.

I had not invited him.  I had not shown any sort of romantic interest in him.  I may have made a comment like, If you are in the area, give me a call.  Without meaning it sincerely or giving him any sort of phone number.

Imagine my surprise when he called me at work and told me he had just checked into a hotel right next to where I worked.

I was a bit stunned and agreed to meet him for a drink figuring, Okay, I'll say hello and blow his ass right off without making him mad because this is fucking scary.

I also made arrangements with a large male co-worker to be posted a few seats down from me at the bar.

This turned out to be a wise choice as Tom after about 10 minutes of telling me how he was in love with me and was going to move here started physically touching me  in ways that can only be described as inappropriate.

My large co-worker and the bartender both intervened.  I was yelping in my most delicate ladylike manner, "GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF ME YOU FUCKING ASSWIPE!"

The cops, when they arrived, were just happy no punches had been thrown. 

Ah, to be in love again.

Arguing Over the Internet

Just remember, when you are arguing with someone on a forum or in a chat room, this guy thinks your'e cool.