Okay, I am a slacker. I did not totally abandon horrorscopes, I just sort of forgot them.
Gemini May 21 to June 21
Why do you continue to run around with your fingers stuffed in your ears and your eyes closed yelling, "La di da, I don't HEAR YOU!" This invariably makes you fall down in a most spectacular way, since your eyes are closed and are are twirling around like a baby ballerina. Face conflict this month and keep affirming to yourself, "This is not my fault because I'm a Gemini, it's not my fault because I'm a Gemini."
Cancer June 22 to July 22
The bear like creature that dwells within every Crab comes out of hibernation this month and with a vengeance. You are crabby with countless hungers that must be fulfilled. Instead of a grizzly, try being a Teddy. Try as well to be gentle with your significant other and try not to combine all those urges like food and sex. Otherwise, you might indulge in activities that would make a veteran porn star blush.
Leo July 23 to August 22
This is an important month for your career. Leos don't think they should actually have to work for a living but unless you are a trust fund Leo, you do. Unless, of course, you can convince someone else to pay those outrageous cocktail bills and the spa days. Concentrate on your own balance sheet, though. If work is compelling you to solve problems that have no solution, just keep on trucking in your own sleeper semi.
Virgo August 23 to September 22
Why are you such a health obsessed hypofreakingchondriac? Just because you get a hangnail is not an indication that your thumb is going to be amputated. Lighten up on the food restrictions as well. Very few people have died from having a piece of chocolate or some caffeine pass through their tightly clenched lips.
Libra September 23 to October 23
What is up with you and relationships? Either you want one or you don't. Quit this back and forth thing. You know what? Throw yourself into work for a while and let the human contact thing go for now. If you are married, just tell your spouse you are really confused. You spouse won't be surprised, trust me.
Scorpio October 24 to November 21
That old shop-worn cliche of you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family rings especially true this month. Rise above the fray , ignore the hurts and soldier on because you have that secret weapon stinger on your butt and it will come back and get them in the end.
Sagittarius November 22 to December 21
Solitude. You crave it lately. Just putting on your favorite lounge outfit and being left the hell alone. You're in your Greta Garbo mode and while it may be instinctual and hardwired right now, just lay in some good reading and a nice bottle of vodka and you'll get through this.
Capricorn December 22 to January 19
Quit worrying about money. You still have the first nickel you ever made, wisely and conservatively invested, of course. Splurge a little this month. Ditch that cassette player in your 1982 Honda Civic and replace it with a CD player, you wild thing.
Aquarius January 20 to February 18
Do you live on this planet with the rest of us or are you merely visiting? Your yoga and massages and meditating have really ratcheted up to an alarming level this month. As David Bowie says, "Earth Control to Major Tom."
Pisces February 19 to March 20
Are you having a life crisis? Quit looking at overpriced red foreign convertibles and at singles on Italian Match dot com and come down to earth and do something practical and useful like finally balancing your checkbook for the first time in three years.
Aries March 21 to April 19
Could you be a little more self-centered and self-involved lately? This isn't new to you but you sure are full of self-indulgence lately and it's time to get out and interact and put away the mirror.
Taurus April 20 to May 20
You are so clean and well-groomed, those four showers a day, you know. Well people are starting to whisper. And yes, it is a control thing, you are trying this month to bull your way through to perfection through cleanliness. Hint: Buy stock in Bath & Body works.
I am a Cancer with a Leo husband. He unfortunately considers sex work too. I would be alot thinner if he didn't. hehe
Posted by: Donna | June 16, 2006 at 04:48 PM