The statistics say that adoption touches one in four people.
I think it's much higher than that. For instance, my work boyfriend is adopted, as is his sister. We've had some very frank conversations and developed a certain bond because of it.
Being an adult adoptee who is married to an adult adoptee who has adopted, it always strikes me, how many people I know who have been touched by adoption.
I know I've written ad museum about adoption but here it goes again.
I think some aspects are worth reiterating.
I grew up always knowing I was adopted. From the time I was old enough to understand, this was made clear to me. I credit my mom with being way ahead of her time and being open, honest and positive about the whole thing. I never felt anything other than loved and cherished and wanted by my parents. Yes, I sure did entertain those adolescent fantasies of my birth mother being some sort of princess or goddess and didn't appreciate my parents until much later.
Meeting my birth mother was a bit of a letdown. I wouldn't call my experience typical. My birth mother is a rather selfish and vain self-centered woman who got pregnant with me with a purpose in mind. When that didn't work out, she placed me for adoption. Good for me, what does it say about her? Yeah, I'm a bit bitter about her. She has never fostered warm fuzzy feelings in me. I didn't go into it with great expectations but it was a letdown just because it was all about her. The two children she did raise aren't warm and fuzzy about her, either.
I pursued meeting her with encouragement and help from my mom. My mom at one point asked me if I would be spending Thanksgiving with "my people" meaning my birth mother and half sister. She cried when I told her, "Mom, YOU are my people." She and my half sister totally fell in love with each other, as well. That made me so happy. My half sis told me she wished she had my mom and that broke my heart and made me love both my mom and my half sis even more.
That's one of my best memories of my mom, when she cried. She wasn't a crier at all.
Adopting Mia just seemed so right. It was meant to be. I'm not given to premonitions or divine calling or anything (I am a cold-hearted bean counter after all) but my daughter is just a special joy and gift I am so happy to have.
I hope I can be as good a mother to her as my mom was to me. My mom always told me I could be whatever I wanted to be and I believed her. She loved me even though I was an awful teen-ager. She loved me when I was a stupid fucked up making bad decisions on a daily basis.
I miss my mom sometimes so much it aches. She would have loved Mia and would have been so on board with adopting her.
Adoption touches me every single day and I aspire to live up to the standards my mother set regarding it.
I currently have 3 sets of friends who are in the process of adopting. One is a single woman, one is a married couple who recently traveled to China to meet their son and one is a lesbian couple who are so cute and in love and so eager to be parents it makes me giddy watching them.
I'm glad adoption is no longer some deep dark secret that people whisper about. No matter which side of the adoption triangle you are on, it's a wonderful thing that has enriched so many lives.
edited 3/30/06 because really, who needs to know the details about my party girl past and how does that relate to adoption?
Hear her, hear her! Lisa, another nice post about adoption. One of these days you and I are going to have to collaborate on a post about the negative effects of adoption. The positive FAR outweigh the negative of course, but wouldn't that make for interesting reading? Just a thought.
Martin
Posted by: Martin | March 27, 2006 at 03:13 AM
Very Beatiful entry, Lisa.
And you have another cyber-friend who is adopting, right?
Posted by: Anne (Brazil) | March 29, 2006 at 06:50 PM