On Turning 40

Dear and gentle readers, remember how obsessed I was about my 20th high school reunion?  Fasten your seat belts, because my latest obsession is turning 40.

On Tuesday, the first of the Triplets Of Doom, Sarah, will turn 40.  Happy birthday, Mrs. Robinson! (NOTE: She really is Mrs. Robinson, something I find hilarious.  Mr. Robinson is quite the hottie, you go girl!)

A bit of background on the Triplets Of Doom.  Darr and Sarah and I were friends in high school and are still friends.  In fact, I consider them two of my closest and mostest.  We all wear a lot of black, are sarcastic and bitchy together (but never about each other) and all of us have had children as "older" moms.  In fact, first came Mia when I was 38, then came Darr's adorable boy then came Sarah's cute boy.  We make jokes about being the parents at high school graduation hanging on walkers, glasses on chains around our necks, Kleenex stuffed up our sleeves, wearing the high heeled orthopedic shoes.  Our walkers will have little knobs on the front we can hang our cute designer handbags on, because we're just like that.

I'm vain, okay?  I don't think I am classically beautiful or anything, but I do think I look damn good for pushing 40. Darr and Sarah look fabulous. 

I know I am supposed to be despairing and freaked out by turning 40.  I know I'm supposed to hedge on my age and be coy and mysterious but I'm not.  I'm rather proud.  I also know it is a total fluke, a gift from God.  I've abused myself in so many ways.  Too much partying, too many cigarettes, too much sun.  I couldn't follow a diet even if my health was compromised.  I'm lazy about exercise to the point of driving to the mailbox. 

I am disgustingly happy when someone remarks that there is no way I could be 40.  One of my co-workers, when I mentioned, hey I'm turning 40 this summer, quickly said, "NO WAY."  Getting my nails done this week, I mentioned turning 40 and Mimi, the lady doing my nails, said, "You not turning 40 you too young.  Good skin.  Skinny, too."

Sometimes, I worry that I try too hard.  That I dress younger than I should.  I hope that if that is the case, someone would tell me.  I always think it's pathetic when older women try to dress like they are twenty and it doesn't come off and I wonder if people look at me the same way.  I like wearing funky jeans and high heeled boots, though.  I like my unfashionably short spiky haircut, even if my sister claims it's the ultimate dyke haircut.  (Note:  She would know, having the same haircut herself and being gay.)

When I was in my twenties, forty seemed ancient to me.  Now, it's something I turn over in my mind and examine and I don't find it horrifying or old. 

After all, I still love to hear the Violent Femmes and still know all the words ("Just last night I was reminded of just how bad/It had gotten/Just how sick I have become/it could change/with this relationship/DDT range/we've all been through some shit").

I might even dance in that new wave 80s sort of way if you ask me nicely.  The Doc Martens still fit, you know.

Comments

[Stacy]

I'll be 38 this summer, so I'm not too far behind you. Do you watch 'The L Word' on Showtime? They had The B-52's on there and JeeeeZUS. They're still wearing beehives only they're not ironic anymore -- they look like Palm Beach matrons. It's terrifying.

[Martin]

40 Huh? Well my love, if you think you are aging you are aging like a fine red. You are more beautiful everyday and wiser to boot. In my humble opinion Venus has nothing on you and Einstein is running a close second. I could not be happier if I was married to the most glamorous movie star you can find and I could not happier if I was married to the most prolific writer you can name. You are a beautiful women measured inch by inch and I would know ;). Happy 40th my love and my life.

Happy 40th Lisa.

- Martin

[justin]

Dear Lisa. I will be 38 this summer and wish to God I looked half as good as you do. You look beautiful and I think it is only a reflection of your inner beauty.

My Doc Martens still fit too, so if I am ever up your way, I'll bring them and we can "Go Onnnnn. Like a blister in the sun!"

[Rob]

I think aging has its positives and its negatives. It does have its challenges, like reimaging and redefining oneself as the years require. And it is certainly more nicely done with someone who cares deeply about you, like Martin above.

[nicole]

Forty, schmorty! It is the new 30, you know! Age is such a state of mind. I took care of a 94 year old woman last week that broker her hip rock climbing! On real rocks! You do look great, and I am sure you do not dress "too young" because in all your pictures, you look funky and fun with class and style! Rock on!

[Darr]

And so it begins, the triplets turn the big 4-0! I'm not as freaked out about it as I was turning 30, but I've got seven months for the freakdom to cultivate, so who knows. Right now I'm way too exhausted to care that much. 30 was awful though, it was the day we found out Mark was being transferred to Philly and we would have to leave Chicago, on top of turning 30. I was so miserable.

Remember in high school we used to make fun of old hippies wearing Earth Shoes and Birkenstocks? I recently realized I am the alternative version of the hippie, still wearing my Docs and AirWalks.

Oh, and by the way, I will show up at that graduation in a wheelchair wearing high heels before I'll be in a walker with orthopedic shoes!

As for dressing too young, you don't go around with your muffin top showing, so you are way ahead of the game. Now, my 51 going on 17 year old sister does dress too young.

And by the way, apparently your senility is already setting in, you were 36 when Mia came, not 38. I was 38 when I had Bam Bam this past June and Mia turned two. Do we need to start looking into homes for you already?

Thanks for saying I look fabulous, that's only because you don't get to witness my frazzled new mom look everyday!

[Guest]

Hi,

Forgive my language as I am not an American. Secondly I am a man and if we are not allowed on this page, I can understand that.

I am having this thing called love for a woman who is very older than me. She will be celebrating her 40 birthday in this April. She is very alone and divorced. We are making progress although but I wish to make her 40th birthday a remarkable one. I was wondering over internet to find some ideas. Then I decided to take the ‘what to expect when you are expecting’ approach. I have gone through many pages but this one is good and this is only why I am writing this comment.

Believe me I was under the impression that at forty you will take the shortest road to home. However after reading your article it's more than apparent that at 40 girls (I am not using woman) are like phoenix, they start rising from their own ashes, ashes of what I believe is 35 phobia.

Like a seasoned wine, they are all unique in a special way. Nancy, my friend for whom I am searching this information, is very like you. Radiant!!!. I haven't seen you except for the small image at the top right corner, but there will be something in your eyes like her a mischief that has expired but is waiting to be green again.

I dont have any problem if you decide against publishing this but please do mail me if you have got any idea what makes it important at 40.

Take care,
A guest