I have been lazy all day and done nothing but knit, read blogs, and drink tea. It's a good day for that. Oh and watch 102 Dalmatians for the 303rd time. Glenn Close is really campy and cool in this movie, but the music is about on my last nerve.
I've also been thinking thinking thinking about what I am going to write about. And I think the best thing is to just let it go where the words take me.
I've always kept journals and wrote stories and poems (really horrid poems, shockingly horrible). I still have a lot of old journals, and sometimes I read back to where I was and it either makes me laugh with embarrassment (dang was I boy crazy in college) or fills me with pain for the stupid choices I made. The journal I kept while I was in rehab (against the advice of the therapist, which I've never understood) is particularly heart wrenching. I was insane. There is no other way of putting it. And when I read what I wrote about my parents at that time, I am so crushed. They are both gone now and I was so damn mean to them. Being a parent myself, I can't imagine their hurt and pain. So Mom and Dad? I'm sorry. Truly deeply sorry.
Writing my blog has been so much fun for me. I've gotten such a thrill out of knowing that people have laughed at things I've written or learned something. That I've done something that people have taken something from. That was such an unexpected surprise.
So in all my thinking thinking thinking, I've decided I'm just going to tell the story. It may be fits and starts but I'm going to tell the story.
Lisa, I think that in many ways that journal you kept so long ago is really a good thing. It's a reminder of how far you've come. A marker to measure all the good things you've done, and your strength.
Posted by: Nadine | October 23, 2005 at 05:46 PM