The Lisa Life

It's Official

Since two of Martin's friends couldn't make it to the Lisa's Company's Sponsored Race Night at the Owosso Speedway last night, and since my friend Ellen's boyfriend Matt liked it so much and wants to go back, we will be having a field trip within the next couple weeks and go back.  And that time, I will take my regular camera and go to Walgreen's for the one hour developing and post embarrassing pictures of all of us.

NOTE: Tom and Sam tried to reschedule the long planned Guy Trip so they could attend A Night At The Races, but alas, could not get anyone else to realize the importance.  Martin ditched the idea of the Guy Trip immediately after hearing the Night At The Races was planned for the same night.

Anyone else up for a field trip?  Holly and Rich?  Rose?  Paulapalooza?  Michelle?

NOTE: Curly Batman Straws will be provided free of charge.  And we won't have to walk up those damn scary steel stairs to the portable.

The Best Birthday Gift

Edited to add:  I originally wrote this four days ago and wanted to post a picture to go with it but my ancient digital camera is not cooperating at all, so no picture.

My dear friend and fellow death hag Michelle got me a great birthday gift: a blogging book.  Actually, it's a blank book with a beautiful cover.  If the digital camera would have worked properly, the picture would be here.

From the time I was 11 until I was about 25, I kept a journal religiously.  I have recently re-read some of them and find them hilarious, especially the ones from my post-college days.  Reading the dating angst was enough to make me embarrassed for myself.  I was all about boys, all the time. 

I love this gift and it has become my "blogging book" that I carry with me everywhere to jot down ideas for my writing.

One of my goals in the next year is to write a book.  I don't even care if it gets published, I just want to do it because it's something I've thought about for so long, and if nothing else, I have always been goal oriented.  (Spoken as a true disciple of the 80s.)

So thank you to Michelle, for giving me a token of my dreams.

I'll See YOU At The Races

Last night, my company sponsored the evening here.  Other than the fact that Subway didn't give us any mayonnaise, mustard, Italian dressing or indeed, any condiments at all (which they will hear about) and the fact that our company name was spelled wrong on the marque board outside the racetrack (guess they didn't look at that big check we gave them before they put the name up) it was quite the fun drink fest.  And in keeping with my idea of dragging out my birthday for as long as possible, since this is only the first anniversary of my 39th, I drank far more than I usually do.  So did everyone else.  Two hangovers in one week, unprecedented.  And I might note: NEVER AGAIN.

Since we sponsored the evening, we got the VIP treatment, which consists of being able to watch from the alleged press box, which is basically a portable trailer like the one you remember from high school, mounted on stilts with some very steep scary steps.   We had an awful lot of people stuffed into the portable in the sky and it didn't bother me until it started rocking.

We had lots of funny moments, especially when Boss the Son realized that Subway didn't give us condiments and tried to call the store to complain and make them drive to Owosso (a good hour and 15 minutes away) and bring us condiments.  Directory assistance at Nextel, however, kept connecting him to the wrong Subway store in Howell, since there are four.  The guy at that Subway just kept hanging up on him.   Eventually, he sent someone to a nearby party store to purchase said condiments.  And another case of beer.

Since Martin used to race Formula V, I have spent countless week-ends and hours at various racetracks and am quite comfortable at them.  The Owosso Speedway is fun because it's heartening to see so many people who are so supportive of week-end warriors.   There were a couple good smash ups and on the oval track, the drivers were reaching speeds of 150 mph, which is really impressive. 

Martin and I, since we were childless today, slept in.  We are having Bloody Marys in celebration and I now realize how pathetic my life has become since I am drinking my Bloody Mary through a twisted Batman straw.

I couldn't find the Hello Kitty straw.

Freaky Friday

Having borrowed a quarter for the clue phone from Stacy, I'm going to spread some random thoughts on Fridays.

Big night tomorrow.  My company is sponsoring the evening at a mid-Michigan racetrack that shall remain nameless in keeping with my policy of no work revealing blogs.  We do this every summer and it's always a lot of fun.  Maybe you'll get lucky and I'll post some non-identifying pictures.  If I can get my stupid antique digital camera to work. 

The next time I decide to drink three Raspberry Lemon Drops on my birthday, just shoot me first, okay?  "But they were so light and refreshing!"  Yeah, well, I didn't feel too light or refreshed this morning and got to spend the day with our accountant at work.  Imagine my delight. 

Our accountant is such a stereotype it's beyond making fun of.  He has no discernible chin.  He has thick glasses.  He one time showed up in his slippers with his 150% Polyester pants that ride way too high.  Today, he had on a floral print Hawaiian style shirt.  I could only look down at his non-slippered (today) feet or I would have burst out in a hangover no sleep laughing sort of breakdown.  Our accountant doesn't have much of a sense of humor and that would not have been a good thing.

I got my nails done today and the guy that did them insisted that I need a new set.  I told him I had to out of there by 5:30 (in other words, about 55 minutes).  He said no problem and lickety split, I had a new full set and I was out at 5:32.  I tipped him $5 and told him they look great, which they do.  He said, "Glad you like them.  Not many ladies tell me I did a good job."  That's too bad.  The nail techs work hard and they always do a good job with me.

The Olan Mills girl at Meijer's gave Mia a big purple balloon today and Mia was so happy, you would have thought she was handed the winning Lotto ticket.

The upcoming Detroit mayoral race promises to be an ugly slugfest but I'm sure it will be amusing.  My money is on Anyone But Kwame.  Oh, and Sharon McPhail as well, since she is insane.

Apparently, I am talking in my sleep lately.  Last night, I was mumbling, "(fill in the blank here) shot himself at 9:20 in the morning."  My husband asked me, "Who shot themself, Lis?"  I again mumbled Name He Couldn't Make Out shot himself at 9:20 in the morning. Please note, I don't know anyone who shot themselves at 9:20 in the morning or anytime else.  I think I may need to lay off the true crime books and the death hag stuff for a while.

Oh and the best news of all today?  Sort of a late birthday gift, since I am milking my birthday through the week-end?  My husband was offered a job that could be a great opportunity.  For those of you who know more, this is HUGE NEWS. 

The Post In Which The Author Discloses That She Has Indeed Become Her Mother

I'm going to be 39 tomorrow.

Holy Shit, Batman, how did that happen?

I'm not real thrilled about this birthday and I can't even claim it's my quarter-life or mid-life crisis, because I already went through that at 30 when I let my father talk me into taking over a lease on a red Corvette.

My mom claimed 39 for several years.  In fact, until it became difficult to explain how she had a 26 year old daughter and was a grandmother. 

Last week, it was brought home to me how much I am becoming my mother it scares me dear and gentle readers.  Oh how it scares me.

In many significant ways, my mother and I were very different.  She grew up as an orphan after a certain point and never enjoyed the love and support of her family.  She became a teacher and worked with developmentally disabled kids.  She drank a good pot of coffee every day and for cocktails, she liked weird 60s cocktail-y type things like Rob Roys and Ward 8s. 

It's the little ways that we are the same that frighten me.

I won't wear a skirt or dress without a slip, no matter how useless the slip is (say a denim dress or a lined skirt).

I always have a couple slightly used Kleenex stuffed in my bathrobe pocket.  I'm sure any moment I will start tucking them under my sleeve near my wrist for easier access.

I have a big, old Coach purse that is indestructible and that I've had for years. I don't even remember how long I've had it except I know it was a birthday gift from my mom and I lived in PA at the time so that's over 14 years ago. Every once in a while, I try to get all trendy and buy a "cute" purse, but I always go back to the big old Coach bag.  Mine is black, my mom's was brown.  Same exact model, though with the heavy brass fittings.  I'm going to be buried with that damn purse, I know.

Like my mom, I wear one type of perfume, although I have a big shelf full of perfume and once in a while think I'm going to "branch out."  It never happens, though. 

I like to read and always have my nose stuck in a book.  I can only read one book at a time and if it's boring I still finish it although I will skim a lot.  Same with my mom, although she tended more toward fiction mysteries and I'm all about true crime.  She did start my true crime death hag thing in that we watched Helter Skelter together.  I don't remember how old I was at the time, but I know I was under ten. 

NOTE: My dad was having no part of that and went to watch All In The Family or The Gong Show on the little black and white.  Something that wouldn't make his head hurt.  I seem to remember my dad saying something like Charlie Manson was nuttier than a shithouse rat.  (He thought the same about Jimmy Carter.)

Until my son Dexter was about 7, I had him totally convinced that I did have eyes in the back of my head and could see what he was doing behind my back.  I was totally convinced of this as well, as a child.

The biggest thing lately that made me realize that I've become my mother happened last week.  I was dressing to go to work and I suddenly pulled out a pair of white Keds, stuck them on my feet without socks and went out the door.

WHITE KEDS, PEOPLE. 

The had never been worn, although they are at least 7 years old.  I even remember when I bought them.  It was a time my mom and I were shopping together and she bought a new pair of white Keds.  (My mom only believed you should wear real sneakers if you were participating in an athlete event.) I was with her on this shopping trip so she said, "Lisa, don't you want a new pair of white Keds?"  (Want a new pair?  I didn't own an old pair.)  I probably shrugged and she took that for a yes and asked what size and probably cringed a little when I told her eight and a half, since she was a little bitty thing and wore a 6. 

I am sure I took them home, promptly threw them in the Box Where All Shoes That Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time resided and forgot about them and they eventually worked their way to freedom in my closet.

They somehow worked their way out of that box and onto my feet and now I know, I've become my mother. 

I'm  going to stay 39 for quite a while too.

Look Who's Coming To Dinner

We had some sort of silly idea that we were going to meet up with Lisa and go to the Ann Arbor Art Fair yesterday.

Well, fate then chuckled at us in the form of a two year old and oppressive heat so we just said hell with it and went to Lisa's to hang out and eat meat.

We defiled her Weber charcoal grill that had been purified by her soon to be ex-husband's vigilant vegetarianism. 

NO TOFU OR SOY WAS IN SIGHT.

We ate big old steaks.  And they were bloody.  At least Lisa's and mine were but Martin has that crazy English Mad Cow Fear going on, so his resembled the leather on my sandals.

We had several cocktails and sat on Lisa's deck and watched Mia torment Lisa's adorable puppy Roxy and enjoyed conversation and really, could it get any better than that?  Just hanging out with the strange people you meet on the internet who become your friends and you like?

Lisa also made a wonderful redskin potato salad that had sun dried tomatoes in it.  Who would guess?  It was the perfect compliment, the potatoes and the tomatoes.  I brought my old stand-by, the Gorgonzola salad with the pine nuts and mandarin oranges that is another thing that makes my taste buds happy. 

I'm hoping Lisa can find doggie day care so she can join us at the races next week-end, which will be a blast.  Not only is my company sponsoring the night at the races, it's the week-end of my birthday. 

There will be red meat involved there, too.

Bumper Sticker

I saw the greatest bumper sticker today when we were driving to Ann Arbor Lisa's.  It said:

BUSH MADE ME A DEMOCRAT

And really, I can't disagree.

Screw It

I have been fairly lucky in that I've only had a few trolls who like my blog.  The problem with trolls, though, is that due to their dedication of spreading misery and angst wherever they go, they are persistent.

Generally, I just delete the nasty comments and get on with it.  Sometimes, however, it's taken too far, as was the case of my local stalker, and now my latest troll, Jackie/ Sierra Lierra.  So I figured screw it, I'll share with all my readers.

Here's fair warning:  If you want to behave like an asshat, you will be treated as such and your comments and email (even though it's usually fake since you are a coward) along with your IP address will be posted for the world to see and laugh at.  Or at least those people in my corner of the world.  And trust me, they will laugh at your pathetic ass.

And here's a question to ponder: If you don't like what you are reading, why keep coming back?  Are you that much of an idiot?  Is your mouse button broken and you can't hit the X on the right hand corner of your screen?    Really, I am so offensive, there is a very simple solution.  Don't read it.

My two latest favorites:

Name: sierra

Email: [email protected] (fake)

IP: 203.220.165.153 (Sydney, Australia)

Comment: No offence but some people have just got it, and some people haven't.  But the maine thing is that you are enjoying yourself.  I have tried to get into your writing, but it just doesn't do it for me.  I really find your swearing, a bit attention seeking for shock value.  Loretta has a very good blog, and she manages that without swearing.

Name: jackie

Email: [email protected]  (fake)

IP: 203.220.165.111 (Sydney, Australia)

Comment: Oh she is very advanced little Mia, isn't she.  Boy that is such interesting news, so pleased you shared.

Nothing like insulting both my husband and my two year old in one shot, is there?

By the way, Maine is a state, not a descriptive word, asshat.

In Which Mr. & Mrs. Watson Get Damn Cheap Haircuts

I have a friend, Laura, who is cute and sweet and works as a hairdresser.  She just recently got her license and plies her craft at a local discount hair salon that shall remain nameless except to say that it's not Bo-Rics or Fantastic Sams. 

Martin and I went to get haircuts this evening and Laura cut both of our heads in what can only be called a super fun haircut fest.

For eleven bucks each, she does a fantastic job and since we are friends,  we laugh and chat all the way through. 

I also know Laura turns out about 100 cuts during a long day and she takes a long time with my really short hair and I appreciate that and tell her and give her a nice tip.

I get a great haircut like the one that I used to pay $35 for, for 11 bucks plus tip and she comes over for a home cooked meal I make every once in a while with her adorable daughter.   And I love cooking dinner for my friends, so hey, we're all happy.

Blogging Is Incestous

NOTE: Dear and gentle readers,

I'm not providing a single link here.  And it's not just because I am really lazy with links, although we all know I am. You can find anything here I write about by doing a little clicking on other blogs and I am making the basic jump in reality that not only are y'all smart enough, your mouse works, too.

I started out blogging because I came across Misfitting.com and I loved the whole concept.  It was the first blog I had ever read and not only was the author a wonderful writer, the comments in the blog were witty, intelligent, well-thought out and very similar to opinions I held.  I heart Loretta.  (By the way, she's written a book, STONE COLD GUILTY, about the Peterson case and it's good.  BUY IT. You can go to her blog and click directly on the buying site.)

I read Misfitting for quite a while and suddenly, after pondering it for quite a few months, I decided I would write a blog.

My first few months were dismal and pathetic and really hollow.  I eventually hit my stride and even though I blog about everything, as my sister complains, I try to be humorous, honest to myself and honest to my subject if I am writing something newsworthy.

In blogging, I have been led to many other blogs I read daily and it's sort of like a big circle jerk (although I wouldn't know  precisely what one is as I am female and have never participated but I do have a vivid imagination). 

We all read each others blogs!  And a few others that we click on from our old faithfuls links.

Here is a sort of family tree that is really tangled and confusing but just click some links on all the blogs.  You'll see what I mean.

Okay,  I don't remember if the Domestic Princess found me first or if I found her, but she is my hometown girl, lives in the same town as me and is married to a guy I went to high school with. We've run into each other in Wal-Mart.   Hi Holly and Rich!  Holly reads Detroit Blog and now, so do I.  And from the Domestic Princess, I started reading Vintage Lilac, who is Holly's dear friend and now, Holly reads Brian at Faggoty Ass Faggot, who I stumbled across  blindly in the Typepad updated blogs list and linked because he is so funny and now Brian is linked on Slices Of Stacy, who took her blogging inspiration from me from the Adoption.com forum and Brian links Stacy and me under a heading called "Girlfriends"  and oh,  I read My Single Mom Life and Lana at Waiting for Someday and Kat at My Single Mom Life visits me from time to time and they are linked on Domestic Princess.  I read Sain't Christopher, whom I had the pleasure of meeting in person as well and he has me linked and Stacy and Mimi Smartypants, who I don't link but read all the time and Stacy also has Chris linked and Chris has Hammer and Peg linked and I have her linked and so does Ann Arbor Lisa at Mitten Musings and oh. my. God.  Lots of us read Suburban Bliss as well but she doesn't have any of us linked because we all are neophytes compared to her prodigal postings.

We are just all related and I think we all need to take like the Love Boat Cruise and sponsor Dooce, because we all read the Dooce.

Cocktails and good food will abound and we will all schlep more books than anyone can imagine.  Of course, none of us will actually read any of the books because we'll be too busy talking incessantly about the books and our blogs but hey.  What a hell of a family blog Reunion that could be.