You're Doing This To Piss Me Off, Right?

You go in the bathroom right at the moment I decide I need to take out my contacts.  You are in there for at least half an hour and you take one of my cooking magazines with you. 

If it takes you that long to poop, you really should see a doctor.  There must be something wrong.

If you are just sitting there reading my cooking magazine, well, you can do that anywhere else in the house. 

In the meantime, my contacts now feel like they have been fused to my eyeballs and let me tell you, buddy, it ain't a good feeling.