Michigan is the Great Lake State. We are not really Midwestern, yet we are. Michigan is very diverse as to the type of places in the state. You have Detroit, which is a world unto itself. It's back to reclaiming it's former shameful title of Murder City this summer. Detroit has a hip-hop mayor. The Pistons won the championship and the media expected the town to burn as if it was Devil's Night in 1983. Or Michigan State after the Homecoming game.
Lansing is the capital. East Lansing is the home of Michigan State University. Ann Arbor is home of the University of Michigan. Many people in Michigan are U of M fans. This is perplexing and funny as most people who are sporting U of M wear could not find Ann Arbor on the map, let alone get accepted to college there. Conversely, people who attend U of M's satellite schools, such as Dearborn and Flint, like to think they are attending THE University of Michigan.
Then there is Up North. If you live in Michigan and your family goes away for a week-end, you will be going Up North, even if you are going west to Traverse City. Everywhere north of Lansing is Up North. The old saying goes that the only thing to do Up North is "Fight, Fish and Fuck." No euphemism for drinking that starts with an F.
There are some things that I think are just indigenous to Michigan.
*To spoof on Detroit and the whole idea, call it Day-Twa. It was originally a French Canadian place.
*You are what you drive in Michigan and generally, it's a newer model American made vehicle. That discount thing, you know.
*Michigan is shaped like a mitten. One of the most charming things someone in Michigan will do is give you directions by pointing to a spot on their hand. When using your hand as a Michigan map, remember that the thumb must be pointing to the right. To illustrate the Upper Peninsula, place your other hand horizontally on top of your mitten hand.
*The Thumb. The area around Saginaw and Bay City that is located in the thumb area of your mitten map.
*Downriver. The area south of metro Detroit that is considered really white trashy and tacky.
*Yooper. Anyone who lives in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
*Troll. What Yoopers call people who live in the Lower Peninsula of Michigan, since we live BELOW the Mackinaw bridge.
*Fudgies. Tourists in Michigan. Especially applies to people from Chicago who go to Mackinaw Island and buy overpriced souvenirs and the obligatory box of fudge.
*Coneys. Diners that serve Coneys, which are chili dogs elsewhere.
*BOB. (Said with the proper tone of reverence.) Bob Segar, of course.
*The Kid. Kid Rock, of course.
*The Ren Cen. Detroit's "classy" office complex, hotel and shopping building.
*The Windsor Ballet. The Strip joints in Canada
*Michigan Turnarounds. In many places in Michigan, you don't have a left hand turn lane, you have a Michigan Turnaround. They are placed just past a stoplight as an indent in the median. It's crucial to know what a Michigan Turnaround is so when someone gives you directions, you know what the hell they are talking about. "You go past Middlebelt, make a Michigan Turnaround then go right."
*The Joe. The Joe Louis Arena.
*Motor City Madman. Ted Nugent, although he is living out Jackson way these days.
*Iggy Pop is from Michigan. Ypsilanti, to be exact.
*Vernor's. Ginger Ale made here. Really crude biting ginger ale.
*Faygo Pop. Also made in Michigan. Great Red Pop, which is strawberry soda. If you've never had Red Pop. your life is not complete. The Rock N Rye is pretty good, too.
*Detroit is the only city in America that I know of that if you go south, you end up in Canada.
*The Big Three. GM, Ford and Chrysler. Alternatively, Domino's, Hungry Howies and Little Caesar's.
*Pop. We don't drink soda or soft drinks. We drink pop.
*Coleman. Coleman Young, the very corrupt former mayor of Detroit.
*John. John Engler, our former governor who is a chubby farm boy from Beal City yet wielded a lot of political clout.
*Dutch. Elmore Leonard, Michigan's favorite hometown author.
I'll have to add to this as I think of things. Suggestions gratefully accepted and considered.
Yes, I do use my hand as a map. I can also give directions for Florida, just not in mixed company.
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Posted by: Sain't Christopher | May 19, 2005 at 12:13 AM