Cancer:
The stars crossing your planets last month indicated you were going to start searching out charity starting at home, rather than hugging trees in far off lands. We are still waiting for this contribution on your part. So....what's the cause du jour? Oh no. I bet your going to give a financial contribution to the Ralph Nader campaign, aren't you? Shame.
Leo
Relax, it's almost your birthday. You will guilt friends, relatives and mere acquaintances into gifts and cards. Your constant cravings for attention prompt all of your friends to nudge each other and say, "No, YOU tell him/her to settle down!"
Virgo
In nearly all "rough trade, sex gone wrong" murders, the victim was a Virgo. What does this tell you about your choice in love interests?
Libra
Although many people you know, most notably your co-workers, are convinced you are bipolar and off your meds, they just don't understand the total indecision and insecurity in every milestone of your life. You really need to start trusting yourself. It pays to go with the joie de vivre once in a while.
Scorpio
It's really difficult to execute a practical joke at your age without pissing someone off. You are not in junior high any more. Recording these jokes for display on the internet does not endear you to anyone, either.
Sagittarius
Why is being a Sagittarius such a burden? Why is it so much about control? Try switching caffeine products in the morning. If you normally drink coffee, try some good hot tea (Bigelow's Lemon Lift is my personal favorite). If you normally drink tea, try some Mountain Dew. It make not aid you in being a little less high strung, but it will certainly change something. Let me know how that works out for you.
Capricorn
Spending money you can't afford is not a substitute for actual human interaction. Especially if all of your purchases are via the internet. Hide your credit cards for a month. Every time you fell the urge to splurge, try phoning a friend or relative instead and engaging in a conversation.
Aquarius
It's summertime. You are a water sign. There's so much to enjoy during summer: go to the beach, go sailing, take a walk in a park, ride your bike, garden. Get outside and enjoy the sunshine and the promises it brings to your dark damp soul.
Pisces
Being shy and retiring has never gotten anyone very far ahead. Thankfully, you have never had to worry about that. Once in a while, it's nice to let others dominate the spotlight. Give it a try, it will even further elevate your own inflated sense of self-worth.
Aries
Back to being a tough guy this month. That's okay, we all need tough guy friends to point us in the right direction and tell us to quit sobbing and get on with it. Most high school cheerleaders are revealed to be Aries. Go Highlanders!
Taurus
It's good to be so self-entertaining and independent. Don't let's go overboard, though. It's nice to have friends and mix among the people. Turn off that Phish CD and give it a try.
Gemini
The Clash wrote a great song that had a line reading, "Should I stay/Or should I go now/If I ask it will be trouble/If I don't it will be double." When the moon moves over your Ouija board, you will know if you should stay or if you should go. Now.
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